Episode 8: How People Pleasing Gets in the Way of Happiness

January 24, 2023

Where to Listen:

Orange Arrow@4x
Calmer+Conversations with Cecelia Mandryk

8. How People Pleasing Gets in the Way of Happiness

Episode Summary: 

The term “people-pleasing” is pretty ironic because at the end of the day, it’s more about trying to manipulate other people and control how they act or what they think about you. It’s our primitive brain’s way of staying safe and avoiding tough feelings, like disappointing someone or making them angry.

Show Notes:

The term “people-pleasing” is pretty ironic because at the end of the day, it’s more about trying to manipulate other people and control how they act or what they think about you. It’s our primitive brain’s way of staying safe and avoiding tough feelings, like disappointing someone or making them angry. 

Because it’s something that’s so ingrained in our biological makeup and social conditioning, getting out of the people-pleasing feedback loop isn’t easy. Luckily, though, it’s entirely possible. The rewards that await you on the other side, like contentment, authenticity, and your own happiness are worth doing the thought work around your values. 

I’m challenging you to assess your beliefs, feel the feelings, and get really curious about where your patterns come from in order to come home to yourself. There’s a version of you that makes decisions based on what makes you happy, and does it unapologetically and guilt-free. Listen in to learn how you can tap into that mindset. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

  • What people pleasing looks like on a macro and micro level 

  • Common conditioning that so many of us experience around suppressing our true desires and needs 

  • Why it’s so important to address the underlying thoughts and feelings from our primitive brain

  • Developing the skill of feeling your feelings and acknowledging your thoughts

  • Questions you can ask yourself to get really clear on your relationship to people pleasing 

Special Offer: 

Follow Me:

CMandrykHS

About Your Host

I’m Cecelia, and I am passionate about helping people live the life they want to live and feel how they want to feel in their life. We do this together using mindset tools, nervous system regulation, and curious inquiry. I know that enjoying your life, feeling calm and even joyful is available to you.

If you’re ready to start right now, grab a recent workshop replay here on creating momentum.

Personally, I manifest in many ways- partner, mother, coach, sister, friend, daughter, citizen, feminist. I live with my husband and children way downeast Maine on a little bridge-connected island (after spending my first 35 years in cities). It’s beautiful here with the ocean and the wind.

I help my clients make big and small changes in life one step at a time.

No matter what’s happening in your life right now, I know you can feel different. I know that by working with your brain and nervous system, you can feel calm, content, joyful, AND you can still go after the big and small goals in your life (getting there will just feel different).

This process is simple and approachable.

You’re probably thinking- but it won’t work for me. I’ve tried it all or I was recently diagnosed with ADHD or I’m too old. But I promise, if you’re open to it, this work is not only transformative but suited for so many different kinds of people and brains.

Recent Episodes of Calmer Conversations:

Episode 13: Two Things You (probably) Do

January 24, 2023

13. Two Things You (Probably) Do Episode Summary:  There are two things that you probably do that are keeping your experience of happiness smaller than maybe it could be in your life. The first one is engaging with thoughts and beliefs that don’t serve you and the second one is being unwilling to feel certain…

Tune In

Episode 12: The Foundation of Happiness

January 24, 2023

12. The Foundation of Happiness Episode Summary:  I consider the relationship you have with yourself to be the foundation of happiness. It determines everything that you create in your life and how you approach the world. In today’s episode, I break down what it might look like if your self-concept leaves you feeling stuck or…

Tune In

Episode 11: Happiness is a Feeling

January 24, 2023

Happiness is a Feeling Episode Summary:  Happiness is a feeling that stems from the beliefs that you have in your life. We often think that how we feel is related to outside circumstances, but the truth is that the thought that occurs between an external event and our feeling about it is responsible for our…

Tune In

Episode 10: Happiness doesn’t come from Being Perfect

January 24, 2023

10. Happiness Doesn’t Come From Being Perfect Episode Summary:  Striving for perfection is a behavior that is entirely possible to unlearn, and I’m living proof of it. Perfectionism is related to the thought and belief that you must execute your life flawlessly to be happy, lovable, worthy, or even a good and acceptable person. So…

Tune In

Episode 9: Don’t Listen to Everything Your Brain Tells You

January 24, 2023

9. Don’t Listen to Everything Your Brain Tells You Episode Summary:  The first thought you have is not the most true thoughtーit’s just the thought you’re used to having. On today’s episode, I explain how the different parts of your brain work together to keep you safe, but how that doesn’t always lead to truth…

Tune In

Episode 8: How People Pleasing Gets in the Way of Happiness

January 24, 2023

8. How People Pleasing Gets in the Way of Happiness Episode Summary:  The term “people-pleasing” is pretty ironic because at the end of the day, it’s more about trying to manipulate other people and control how they act or what they think about you. It’s our primitive brain’s way of staying safe and avoiding tough…

Tune In

Episode 7: How to be Happy in your Relationships

January 24, 2023

How to be Happy in Your Relationships Episode Summary:  Where are you requiring that people act in certain ways so that you can feel happy and secure about your relationship? Join me on today’s episode as I dig into how to build healthier, happier connections.  Show Notes: Where are you requiring that people act in…

Tune In

Episode 6: Imposter Syndrome

January 24, 2023

6. Imposter Syndrome Episode Summary:  On today’s episode, I share the story of how I stumbled into the field of geology and struggled with severe imposter syndrome for many years. I discovered that we already contain everything we need to change our belief systems and rewrite the story of belonging. It’s entirely possible to feel…

Tune In

Episode 5: Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t work (for most of us)

January 24, 2023

5. Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work (For Most Of Us) Episode Summary:  Happiness is often on the same playing field as positivity, but positive thinking usually leads to feelings of shame or disappointment. What I like to practice instead is shifting to a place of neutrality in an effort to take away the inherent judgment…

Tune In

Episode 4: How your self concept impacts your happiness

January 24, 2023

4. How your self concept impacts your happiness Episode Summary:  Self concept is who you are, how you feel, and how you act in the world. It helps shape your daily life and plays a major role in your lived experience. In today’s episode, I explain how your self-concept contributes to your overall happiness, how…

Tune In