Episode 19: Letting People Be People
January 24, 2023
Where to Listen:
Letting People Be People
Episode Summary:
For many of us, this is the time of year when we get together with family and friends, which can trigger a mix of emotions. This is a great opportunity to look at the expectations that we set for people and practice letting go of perfectionism. In this episode, I explain the concept of ‘behavior manuals’ and break down how they impact your interactions with people. I also offer up some tools to help you find more ease and peace during holiday gatherings.
Show Notes:
For many of us, this is the time of year when we get together with family and friends, which can trigger a mix of emotions. Maybe you don’t agree with your cousin’s political views, or you don’t like that your mother-in-law serves ham instead of turkey. Perhaps the tension runs deeper and there are unhealed wounds that you’re reminded of during the holiday season.
Regardless of your relationship with this time of year, we can use these gatherings as an opportunity to examine the expectations that we set for people and practice letting go of perfectionism.
In this episode, I explain the concept of ‘behavior manuals’ and break down how they impact your interactions with people. As humans, we unconsciously set standards for how others should think, act, and feel, which causes a lot of tension when people don’t fit that vision.
I also offer up some tools to help you find more ease and peace in your interactions. In building more awareness and safety for yourself, you can accept that each individual is unique and flawed, just as you are.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Topics Covered:
-
How to know if you have a manual for somebody
-
Recognizing when you delegate your feelings to other people’s behaviors
-
Accepting that there are many right ways to do something
-
How to prepare for gatherings or environments where you’re typically triggered
-
Understanding that letting go of your manuals and consciously thinking in a different way takes time and practice
Special Offer:
-
Jumpstart your awareness and join me for my free Feel Your Feelings training: ceceliabaummandryk.com/freetraining
Follow Me:
-
Visit my website: ceceliabaummandryk.com
-
Connect on Instagram: @ceceliabmandryk
About Your Host
I’m Cecelia, and I am passionate about helping people live the life they want to live and feel how they want to feel in their life. We do this together using mindset tools, nervous system regulation, and curious inquiry. I know that enjoying your life, feeling calm and even joyful is available to you.
If you’re ready to start right now, grab a recent workshop replay here on creating momentum.
Personally, I manifest in many ways- partner, mother, coach, sister, friend, daughter, citizen, feminist. I live with my husband and children way downeast Maine on a little bridge-connected island (after spending my first 35 years in cities). It’s beautiful here with the ocean and the wind.
I help my clients make big and small changes in life one step at a time.
No matter what’s happening in your life right now, I know you can feel different. I know that by working with your brain and nervous system, you can feel calm, content, joyful, AND you can still go after the big and small goals in your life (getting there will just feel different).
This process is simple and approachable.
You’re probably thinking- but it won’t work for me. I’ve tried it all or I was recently diagnosed with ADHD or I’m too old. But I promise, if you’re open to it, this work is not only transformative but suited for so many different kinds of people and brains.
Recent Episodes of Calmer Conversations:
you’re trying to change your behavior. that’s the problem.
You’re trying to change your behavior. That’s the problem. Most people approach change backwards. It’s not that our intentions are bad- we want to change. It’s just that we place our attention on the wrong thing. In order to change behavior, we focus on behavior. Which seems to make sense. Until you learn a little…
you can’t logic your way into change
Tell me if you’ve been here. You know what to do. It makes logical sense in your brain. You know it’s the path to better fitness or deeper connection or fulfilling professional dreams. But then in the moment you do the opposite. You do something that makes no logical sense. Your behavior goes against your…
You Are Not Your Behavior
Change Happens with Curiosity, Not Shame. The moment you decide your behavior means something bad about you, curiosity disappears. And curiosity is the skill that actually allows behavior to change. Most of us learned early that bad behavior meant something bad about us. Our caregivers met our worst moments with judgment, punishment, and disconnection. So…
you are not a cat
why awareness alone won’t create the change you’re looking for — and what comes next Here’s what most personal development gets wrong. It treats you like a cat. Most of what we ‘know’ about behavior- the habits, the environmental design, the reward and punishment systems, the accountability networks- is built on the same foundation as…
the Post-Insight Plateau
You’ve Done the Work. So Why Aren’t You Different Yet? I’ve been where you are. Sitting there with a beautiful new journal and the best of intentions. Hoping, with a side of desperation, that this time it will be different. You are not someone who hasn’t tried. You’ve put in the work. Real work. The…
You’re not broken. You’re between phases.You’re
There’s a quiet, disorienting moment that happens in long-term self-development. It’s the moment when you understand yourself. You can name your patterns. You can trace them back to childhood, to relationships, to specific memories. You can explain exactly why you react the way you do. You’ve had the breakthroughs at the retreat. You’ve sat on…
awareness won’t save you (and why that’s ok)
I figured something out on a dog walk the other day. Personal awareness is like GPS. GPS is incredibly useful. It knows where you are. It can show you multiple routes. It even warns you about traffic. But GPS isn’t a car.And it can’t drive. You still have to turn the wheel and press the…
